If you’re dressing up for Halloween this year, what are you going as? A pirate, a witch, or a celebrity? A biker chick, a cartoon character, a cowboy? Something funny? sexy? scary? Some costumes we choose just because they’re simple, convenient, or will make our friends laugh. Other choices can be a window into something […]
Everyone
“A Woman’s Greatest Asset…
is a man’s imagination.” Have you heard that expression? If you grew up a few decades ago, you probably have. Lately, though, we don’t think that way—and our sex lives have lost something as a result. If you think about what’s sexy, it often isn’t nudity. Not that nudity is unsexy; it’s just that little […]
Hookups and the Half-Way Heart
So, there’s this thing I see happening among 20-somethings. I keep hearing various young people talk about themselves or friends having hooked up with someone they’ve got history with. It may be someone they recently broke up with, and “it felt so comfortable and the sex just happened.” Or they’re semi-broken up, but haven’t really […]
The 5 Minutes a Day That Are Crucial for Your Relationship
How do you get the big things right in a relationship? Often, by getting the little things right. When I work with couples who want to improve their relationships, I encourage them to focus on concrete things each of them can do that will help make things better. Surprisingly often, the specific things they ask […]
What Is “Good Sex,” Anyway?
We sometimes talk about “good sex”—wanting it for ourselves and for those we love. But what exactly do we mean by that? Experts consider sex “good” when four things are true: It’s consensual: Both parties agree to whatever activities happen. It’s safe: There is no transmission of an STI, no unwanted pregnancy, no physical or […]
TalkStarter for Adults: What Was Your First Time Like?
For a moment, think back to the first time you had (consensual) sex. Is it a fond memory? an awful one? something in between? People have a huge range of experiences in this area, and those early experiences can color our sexual perspective and reactions long after. What impact has your first time had on […]
How Many Sex Partners Have Young Adults Really Had?
If you watch much media these days, you’d think that most teens and young adults are constantly having casual sex. Hook-ups and experimentation are routine; it’s normal to have lots of sexual partners. Except—what if that’s not true in the real world? How many sex partners do young people really have? My survey of 900 […]
How Your Marriage Is Like a Picnic Basket
Couples often find themselves bewildered by their partner’s behavior. “Why on earth does he do that?” “Doesn’t she know what she’s doing doesn’t make sense?” “What is he thinking?” “It’s obvious we should be doing this differently.” Often, the confusion stems from our unrecognized expectations. We may think we’re being rational and clear, but to […]
TalkStarter for Adults: Are Porn and Romance Novels Equivalent?
Porn can be a very charged topic, especially for women. Some women enjoy porn regularly; others are horrified that their partner would ever view it (even though most men do, whether frequently or occasionally). I’ve known women who were appalled that their husbands view porn, but who themselves regularly enjoy steamy romance novels. This got […]
Sex and Shame: What You Should (and Shouldn’t) Feel Ashamed About
Shame is one of those awful words. No one likes feeling ashamed, ever. Some people’s early learning about sex involves so much shame and judgment that they want to reject the whole guilt idea altogether. One worldview sees many things related to sexuality as shameful, and another says there’s nothing to be ashamed of, ever. […]
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