We sometimes talk about “good sex”—wanting it for ourselves and for those we love. But what exactly do we mean by that?
Experts consider sex “good” when four things are true:
It’s consensual: Both parties agree to whatever activities happen.
It’s safe: There is no transmission of an STI, no unwanted pregnancy, no physical or emotional harm done to either party.
It’s non-exploitative: The people involved are equals; there is no power differential. No one is taking advantage of someone else’s disability, youth, economic vulnerability, impairedness (e.g. drunkenness), etc.
It’s pleasurable: Whatever the specific activities may be, the overall experience feels good and satisfying to both parties.
Does this definition seem accurate to you? Does it fit your personal sexual experiences? If not, it’s time to make a change (discuss your concerns with your partner, start saying no to sex you don’t want, take steps to be safer, etc.).
If you’re all set on the first three and OK on number four: Have fun! And maybe add a little more fun…? 🙂