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TalkStarters

A lot of people I speak with say they’d like to feel more comfortable talking about sexuality with their partner or their kids, but don’t know how to start. So I’ll help! Part of what makes it hard is that we don’t do it very often. Sex is private and not a suitable topic in polite company. But there are plenty of things about sex and its meaning to us that are worth thinking about, and worth talking about.

Every couple of weeks, I’ll post a TalkStarter you can use to get conversations going with people important to you. Some are suitable for couples; some for you and any adults you’re close to; some for parents with kids of various ages. Hopefully the TalkStarters will give you food for thought and food for conversation.

TalkStarter for Teens: What Counts as “Having Sex”?

April 9, 2020 by Jill Whitney

When we talk about having sex, what, exactly, are we talking about? On one level, this may seem obvious. Most often we mean sexual intercourse: penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex. But if you stop to think about it, isn’t there a lot more to people’s sexual experiences? Is PIV the only thing that counts as sex? This […]

Filed Under: Everyone, Featured, For Parents of Teens and Preteens, TalkStarters Tagged With: parenting teens, sexuality, teens

TalkStarter for Kids: When a Pet Has a Litter

March 4, 2020 by Jill Whitney

There’s a reason videos of puppies and kittens get so much traction on social media: We’re just drawn to them, to their cuteness and antics and smallness. In real life, kittens and puppies are even more appealing. Kids may like small animals even more than adults do, being small and active themselves. Kids, like adults, […]

Filed Under: Featured, For Parents of Young Children, TalkStarters Tagged With: kids, parenting, sex ed

TalkStarter for Adults: The Funny Side of the Birds & the Bees

September 17, 2019 by Jill Whitney

If you’re feeling awkward about telling your kids about the birds and the bees, or even talking with your partner about sex, let a little humor help you through. Think about children you’ve known over the years: your own, or a friend’s children, or kids you knew growing up. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever […]

Filed Under: Everyone, Featured, For Parents of Teens and Preteens, For Parents of Young Children, TalkStarters Tagged With: birds and bees, kids, parenting, sex ed

TalkStarter for Adults: What Was the Most Helpful Thing Your Parents Said about Sex?

April 30, 2019 by Jill Whitney

It’s easy to think about all the ways your parents didn’t do a great job teaching you about sexuality: the facts they avoided telling you, the times they freaked out or got judgy, the conversations they shut down, the things you wish you’d known. But they probably didn’t get it all wrong. Likely they told […]

Filed Under: Everyone, Featured, For Parents of Teens and Preteens, For Parents of Young Children, TalkStarters Tagged With: kids, parenting, relationships, sex ed

TalkStarter for Teens: What Was Hard for You as a Teen

November 28, 2018 by Jill Whitney

Maybe you’ve always meant to talk more with your kids about sex and dating, but kept putting it off. Now they’re teens or preteens and you know you need to open a conversation, but you don’t know where to start. How can you get beyond the wall of groans, eye-rolling, and “I know all that”? […]

Filed Under: Featured, For Parents of Teens and Preteens, TalkStarters Tagged With: preteens parenting, relationships, sex ed, teens

TalkStarter for Couples: Taking Talks Deeper

October 17, 2017 by Jill Whitney

Do you and your honey talk? Like, really talk, so you feel you know what’s going on in each other’s heads and hearts? For some couples, this comes naturally. Talking about the stuff that matters leads to wonderful, deep connection. Knowing what’s really going on with your partner makes it much less likely that you’ll […]

Filed Under: Featured, TalkStarters Tagged With: communication, couples, intimacy, relationships

TalkStarter for Couples: What Does V-Day Mean, Anyway?

February 8, 2017 by Jill Whitney

As Valentine’s Day approaches, some people are filled with romantic thoughts—and others with dread. If you and your honey are completely on the same page that Valentine’s Day is really special or not worth bothering with, you’re golden. In most couples, though, there are differences of opinion about how to celebrate the holiday. One may […]

Filed Under: Everyone, Featured, TalkStarters Tagged With: couples, relationships, Valentine's Day

TalkStarter for Kids: “How I Learned about Puberty”

January 18, 2017 by Jill Whitney

Let’s face it: puberty and sex are awkward topics. And when you do gear yourself up to talk to your child about it, you probably get cringing and eye rolls. But you don’t want your kids to enter puberty and have no idea why their bodies are changing. Even if their school does a good […]

Filed Under: Featured, For Parents of Teens and Preteens, For Parents of Young Children, TalkStarters Tagged With: parenting, preteens, puberty, tweens

TalkStarter: Politics, “Locker-Room Language,” and Respect

October 11, 2016 by Jill Whitney

Part of me hesitates to say anything that touches on this emotionally charged election season. But so much of what’s been going on lately relates to how people treat one another sexually that I can’t ignore it—and neither should parents. It truly is a talk-able moment. Whatever your political views, the recent uproar about Donald […]

Filed Under: Everyone, Featured, For Parents of Teens and Preteens, TalkStarters Tagged With: locker-room language, parenting, politics, scandal, sex

TalkStarter: How Your Early Sex Life Affects Your Kid

September 21, 2016 by Jill Whitney

Every one of us has our own sexual story. Whether we were virgins when we got married, promiscuous at a young age, or anything in between, our experiences shape our view of ourselves and sexuality. We may regret our past or celebrate it, but it’s part of who we are. It’s also part of how […]

Filed Under: Featured, For Parents of Teens and Preteens, TalkStarters Tagged With: families, parenting, sexuality, teens

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About the Author

Jill Whitney is a licensed marriage and family therapist dedicated to improving communication about relationships, sexuality, and intimacy. Learn more about her and her practice at Green Tree Professional Counseling.

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