It happens all the time, right? Someone says something that throws you off guard, and in the moment you just can’t think of anything to say. Or you say something, but thinking about it afterward, you wish you’d said something different. Too often, people feel they’ve missed the moment and there’s no going back. In […]
Is This One Need Ruining Your Relationship?
We all have needs, practical and emotional. Although many of us strive to be independent, we’re also interdependent on the people closest to us, especially our partners—and that’s how it should be. Healthy couples find ways to balance one partner’s needs with the other’s, so that both people’s need for support, connection, autonomy, love, etc., […]
TalkStarter for Couples: Taking Talks Deeper
Do you and your honey talk? Like, really talk, so you feel you know what’s going on in each other’s heads and hearts? For some couples, this comes naturally. Talking about the stuff that matters leads to wonderful, deep connection. Knowing what’s really going on with your partner makes it much less likely that you’ll […]
To Connect, Unplug
Where is your phone right now? Well, that’s not exactly a fair question, because if you’re reading this, you’re using a phone, tablet, or other device. But is your phone usually right near you? Does it live wherever you are–in your pocket, on your dinner table, on your nightstand? How often do you turn it […]
The Smallest Possible “No”
It’s unavoidable: Sometimes you won’t want to do what your significant other proposes. Even if you agree on a lot of things, you’re separate people. You won’t always want to do the same things, eat the same things, or run the household in a certain way. If you often agree to things you really don’t […]
Your Phone’s Best Relationship Tool
There’s an app for everything. Whatever you’re looking to improve or learn about, you can access it on your smart phone. So what’s the most helpful option for improving your relationships? Based on the many couples I talk to, your phone’s most helpful feature is the “off” switch. In this day of being constantly connected, […]
How Triangles Could Be Hurting Your Relationships
Suppose Amy is hurt about something Beth did—say, Beth blew her off at the last minute. Amy then talks to Caitlin about this and tells her how hurt and upset she is. Caitlin listens sympathetically, and Amy feels better. Or suppose Andrew is mad because Brian borrowed $20 and didn’t pay him back—again. Andrew complains […]
What Makes It So Hard to Talk about Sex?
When I tell people that I write about sexuality, some are enthusiastic or curious. More often, people cringe, or get pale, or flush. Sex is such an uncomfortable topic that we have a physical reaction to the mere mention of it. Folks have sex and (hopefully) enjoy it…but talking about it is a whole ‘nuther […]
Everyone Lives in a Two-Story House
Well, that’s not true if you’re talking about real estate. But if you’re talking about couples and relationships—yup. Let me back up. It’s not uncommon for couples to seek therapy where one partner doesn’t want to come, “because the problem isn’t me, it’s him/her.” Or where one person wants to come in with the partner […]
The Key to Getting Teens to Open Up
There’s so much going on in your teen’s head and heart—but that doesn’t mean you’re hearing about it. When our darling little kids become adolescents, parents can feel that there’s a wall between us and them. We care so much about what’s going on inside them, but they may be reluctant to share. This is […]