Well, that’s not true if you’re talking about real estate. But if you’re talking about couples and relationships—yup. Let me back up. It’s not uncommon for couples to seek therapy where one partner doesn’t want to come, “because the problem isn’t me, it’s him/her.” Or where one person wants to come in with the partner […]
TalkStarter: Valentine’s Day Topics for Couples
Some couples are good to go when it comes to Valentine’s Day. You know a way to celebrate that’s fun for both of you, you’re happy with your relationship and your sex life, and it’s comfortable to talk about things. But other couples…might need a little boost. If you’d like a little help getting the […]
Is Your Household Division of Labor Fair?
Every couple has to figure out who does what to keep things running—and for a lot of people, it’s a sore spot. Is it an issue for you and your partner? In an earlier era, household division of labor was clearly defined: The man earned the money and took care of the yard, while the […]
The 5 Minutes a Day That Are Crucial for Your Relationship
How do you get the big things right in a relationship? Often, by getting the little things right. When I work with couples who want to improve their relationships, I encourage them to focus on concrete things each of them can do that will help make things better. Surprisingly often, the specific things they ask […]
What Is “Good Sex,” Anyway?
We sometimes talk about “good sex”—wanting it for ourselves and for those we love. But what exactly do we mean by that? Experts consider sex “good” when four things are true: It’s consensual: Both parties agree to whatever activities happen. It’s safe: There is no transmission of an STI, no unwanted pregnancy, no physical or […]
How Your Marriage Is Like a Picnic Basket
Couples often find themselves bewildered by their partner’s behavior. “Why on earth does he do that?” “Doesn’t she know what she’s doing doesn’t make sense?” “What is he thinking?” “It’s obvious we should be doing this differently.” Often, the confusion stems from our unrecognized expectations. We may think we’re being rational and clear, but to […]
The Sexy Gift: When It Is (and Isn’t) a Good Idea
Maybe you’re thinking of giving your honey something sexy this year. Maybe lingerie? a toy? a movie? an experience (e.g. “coupon good for one evening of _____”)? Any of those can add some fun to your relationship—or it can create problems. How can you predict? A sexy gift is probably NOT a good idea: –if […]
What Women Need to Have Great Sex
In many couples I talk to, sex is a sore spot. Sometimes it’s a major source of contention. More often, the sex is pretty good when they have it, but they don’t have it very often. Many women report being too tired or distracted and just not all that interested; lovemaking can seem like just […]