Maybe you’re thinking of giving your honey something sexy this year. Maybe lingerie? a toy? a movie? an experience (e.g. “coupon good for one evening of _____”)? Any of those can add some fun to your relationship—or it can create problems. How can you predict?

A sexy gift is probably NOT a good idea:

–if it’s very early in the relationship and you’re not sure how your partner will feel about the gift you have in mind

–if sex is a difficult issue in your relationship; if you argue about sex

–if you rarely have sex, and you’re frustrated about that

–if one of you has recently had an affair, or if trust between you is otherwise damaged

–if the gift will make your partner feel pressured

–if your partner has previously stated that he/she does not like the kind of thing you have in mind

–if the gift is something you’ll like more than your partner will

–if there’s a risk the gift will make your partner feel hurt, mad, or invisible

A sexy gift can be a good idea:

–when your sex life is happy and open; when “it’s all good”

–when the gift fits an already-good aspect of your sex life

–when the gift relates to something your partner is interested in, but you’ve been hesitant about

–when your partner would like more sex, and the gift indicates that you’re offering

–when the gift shows that you’ve been paying attention to what your partner likes

–when the gift will make your partner feel seen, wanted, and loved

(If you do give something sexy, be sure to choose your timing. Give it privately, and when your partner is relaxed and can focus on it. And on you. 🙂 )