• Home
  • Why We Need to Talk About Sex
  • About Keep the Talk Going
  • Workshops

Keep The Talk Going

Dedicated to Improving Communication about Relationships, Sexuality, and Intimacy

  • All Posts
  • TalkStarters
  • For Parents of Teens and Preteens
  • For Parents of Young Children
  • For All Adults
You are here: Home / Everyone / What “Being in the Moment” Doesn’t Mean

What “Being in the Moment” Doesn’t Mean

April 16, 2019 by Jill Whitney

sunset, calm water, shore, dock

You’ve probably heard a lot the past few years about “staying present” and “being in the moment.” They’re part of mindfulness, a practice with proven psychological benefits. When we let go of worries about the future and regrets and hurts from the past, we tend to be calmer and happier. Mindfulness is a wonderful way of reducing stress and improving life.

But sometimes people misunderstand what “being in the moment” means. It does not mean being impulsive and self-indulgent or ignoring the consequences of our actions.

Think about the kind of short-term temptations we face every day: Eating junk food, buying something we don’t need or can’t really afford, or saying the first thing that comes to mind even if it’s hurtful or likely to get you in trouble. Those are reactions, not responses. They interfere with goals like staying healthy, getting out of debt, and having good relationships. Acting on those impulses may feel good for a moment, but it won’t make you calmer and happier. In fact, it’s likely to add to your overall stress.

The mindful approach to temptation is noticing the feeling—not acting on it, but pausing to observe that you want a cookie or whatever, or that what someone did upset you. Notice the feeling in your body. Notice how intense it is, or isn’t. Wonder about what triggered that feeling. What thoughts are keeping the feeling going? (“She did that on purpose,” maybe? Or “I deserve a treat”?)

As you notice, you may find that the urge becomes less strong. You may start to think about the feeling and how acting on your impulse will move you toward or away from your goals. You might decide to act on your impulse…or you might discover you don’t need to. How do you—the core, thoughtful you—want to respond to the situation?

The more often you’re able to notice your feelings and impulses without immediately acting on them, the calmer and happier you’ll be. That’s the kind of “being in the moment” that makes for a better life.

Filed Under: Everyone, Featured Tagged With: feelings, mindfulness

Keep Me Posted

Get notified when a new article is posted - usually every other week.


Your Teen Is Online. Porn Is Online. Time to Talk?

field of red flowers

TalkStarter for Teens: What Counts as “Having Sex”?

two kittens

TalkStarter for Kids: When a Pet Has a Litter

LinkedIn login page

Please, LinkedIn, Don’t Block My Posts

red, yellow, and green tomaotes

The 3 Most Important Things to Tell Kids about Puberty

logs burning in fire pit

When You Want to Make Love (Not Just Have Sex)

clouds giving way to blue sky

My Toddler Touches…Down There. Should I Worry?

Should Busy Couples Schedule Sex?

red Solo cup

What Good Guys Need to Know about Consent

pink peony closeup

The Smart Way to Protect Kids’ Innocence

Read All Posts

Keep Me Posted


About the Author

Jill Whitney is a licensed marriage and family therapist dedicated to improving communication about relationships, sexuality, and intimacy. Learn more about her and her practice at Green Tree Professional Counseling.

Copyright © 2023 · Site Credits

Copyright © 2023 · Lifestyle Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in