If your kids are young, you may not be thinking much about their sexuality. But keeping the long view in mind can help you teach subtle lessons that will pay off when they’re older.

For instance, children need to learn that each person is responsible for his or her own body. If your son does not want to be tickled today, he has a right to say that, and his sister has an obligation to respect his No and stop. (His parents have the same obligation, by the way.) This lays a foundation for a healthy No and appropriate respect later in life, including in sexual situations.

When my kids were little, I made a conscious effort to model this rule. For instance, sometimes we’d be roughhousing and one of my kids would say “No! Stop!”–amid squeals of delight. I would immediately stop, and sometimes they’d look at me, puzzled; obviously we’d been having fun, so…? Then I’d explain that it seemed like we were having fun, but they said to stop, so I was confused and figured I’d better stop and check in. Usually they’d say they didn’t really mean No and wanted to keep roughhousing, which we then did.

I realize this may sound artificial. Of course I could tell that my child didn’t want to stop. But I wanted to make the issues here overt. Over time, we talked about mixed messages—that they were saying one thing and acting differently—and how confusing that can be for someone. We talked about the importance of knowing when you don’t want to be touched and saying so, and about listening when someone else says No. I thought of this approach as the “date-rape avoidance plan.”

As they got older, my kids would sometimes try to use this against me. “If I’m in charge of my body, how come you get to make me take a bath/get a shot/go to the dentist when I don’t want to?” I’d explain that as their parent, I was legally and morally responsible for their care until they were old enough to be responsible for themselves. It opened discussions about what kinds of touch are medical versus inappropriate—for example, that the doctor might need to look at their genitals, but other adults shouldn’t because genitals are private. We talked about maturity and responsibility; that as they got older, they would be able to make more and more decisions about their bodies, but while they were under 18, I had the final say in some areas (e.g., regular check-ups).

The take-away: Even little kids can start to learn about topics like boundaries, clarity, privacy, and respect that will impact their sex lives when they grow up. Keep the long view in mind, and you’ll prepare them to make healthy choices later.