When you hear someone say the person they’re dating is perfect, you might be happy for them. Me, I’m happy they’re happily in love—but my second thought is, please don’t get married. At least, not yet. Because no one is perfect. Someone might be an awesome person and an excellent fit for you, but they […]
TalkStarter for Adults: How Do You Rate the 3 Parts of Romantic Love?
We all have a sort of vague idea of what “romantic love” means. But there are folks who think about love for a living (really!) who can help the rest of us find language to understand and express what we feel—and what we want. Cornell professor Robert J. Sternberg developed what he calls the “Triangle […]
The Smallest Possible “No”
It’s unavoidable: Sometimes you won’t want to do what your significant other proposes. Even if you agree on a lot of things, you’re separate people. You won’t always want to do the same things, eat the same things, or run the household in a certain way. If you often agree to things you really don’t […]
Are Date Nights Really That Important?
Therapists recommend couples scheduling date nights so often that it’s almost a joke, up there with “how are you feeling about that?” You might wonder if it’s just some default thing therapists say to fill up time. Nope. We suggest date nights so often because they work. One-on-one time doing something fun with your significant […]
Everyone Lives in a Two-Story House
Well, that’s not true if you’re talking about real estate. But if you’re talking about couples and relationships—yup. Let me back up. It’s not uncommon for couples to seek therapy where one partner doesn’t want to come, “because the problem isn’t me, it’s him/her.” Or where one person wants to come in with the partner […]
TalkStarter for Teens: SCOTUS on Gay Marriage
The June 26 Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage in all 50 states is a wonderful opportunity for parents to talk with their teens and young adults. What are your kid’s friends saying about the ruling on social media? Do they all think the ruling is a great thing? (Most of the young people I’m […]
How Your Marriage Is Like a Picnic Basket
Couples often find themselves bewildered by their partner’s behavior. “Why on earth does he do that?” “Doesn’t she know what she’s doing doesn’t make sense?” “What is he thinking?” “It’s obvious we should be doing this differently.” Often, the confusion stems from our unrecognized expectations. We may think we’re being rational and clear, but to […]